Just the boy

In recent times, The Monster has not got as much of a hold over Tickle as it once did. It’s definitely i still there, and there are times when I’m pretty sure he’s dissociating and doesn’t know what he’s doing, but on the whole he’s growing much more able to take charge of his feelings, even if it’s only momentarily, and even if he doesn’t quite know what to do with them. 

The other day when he was cross, I saw him go to reach for my iPad, but he stopped himself. That’s great, I said. Tickle is in charge, not the Big Feelings. 

Tickle was also in charge, so he tells me, this morning when he decided to throw *his* iPad at Husband’s face. He did it on purpose, he said, because he was cross, because he wanted the swimming pool episode of ‘Do You Know’ and it wasn’t on CBeebies. (Husband is ok, though he has a nasty cut just above his eyebrow, which did bleed a fair bit.)

I’m just not quite sure where to put this, to be honest. We were talking with our therapist last week about how Tickle is displaying a lot of toddler-like behaviours, and getting cross and throwing stuff could easily come in to that category. However, he’s not a toddler. He’s nearly nine, and he’s getting pretty strong. 

The thing that has me in even more knots than ever, is the way that Tickle handled the repair. He instigated it all himself. He was sat on my bed with me to give Husband a bit of space, and decided he wanted to say sorry, and he wanted to give Dad a present. He ended up going in to his room to choose a toy that Dad could play with. He chose his playmobil ambulance - ironic, I know, but touching because it is probably his most favourite toy of all. And when Husband cane and sat on the bed Tickle said sorry and rubbed his back. 

So I’m just left with this weird kind of feeling that removing the iPad for a couple of days isn’t really enough to atone for hurling it at Husband’s face, but after he has repaired so beautifully and all of his own accord, I don’t really feel like there’s anywhere else we can take it. 

Luckily I’m about to go in and see our therapist. Let’s see what she suggests.